Happy Mother's Day to Our Other Mothers

"A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it." 

 ~ Frank Howard Clark

Happy Mother's Day!


Last year I wrote a blog about my sisters and the importance they play in my life without a mother - my mother being stolen from our family when she was just 39 years old.  She left behind a loving husband and 5 children - ranging in ages from 14 to 3.


Recently  I realize that I left out a large group of amazing women that encouraged me, helped me find my way, and accepted me into their own families.  I feel awful for not including them.  So this is not only a year late but decades late -  thank you to Mrs. FitzPatrick, Mrs. Forrester and Mrs. Ferrell (strangely this is the first time I realized they all had last names that began with the letter F).  


 These women had their own children to worry about, their own households to run yet they all had the wonderful ability to share their motherly love with me.  Inclusion in family dinners, vacations, just sitting around "hanging out" with their families as though I was part of their families.  Helping me through difficult times of my own,  providing advice or just somehow knowing that I needed to be around a mother.  


I remember one instance after my father and step-mother divorced, I was going to the local fireworks display with the FitzPatrick family.  As we unloaded from the car, Mrs. FitzPatrick blocked my door and made me go out the other side.  I didn't realize what was going on, but found out later it was because my stepmother was exiting the car next to ours.  She immediately went into protect mode as though I was her own child.


Another time I was in a car accident during a snow storm I had no reason driving in.  I was scared to call my father - who wouldn't be?  My friends Jodi, Jenny and I returned to their house and their mother, Mrs. Faust, immediately called my father to break the news.   Moms always have a way of calming dads down....and it was difficult not having a mom at home to go into that nurturing mode.  


My own children are blessed with similar "other mothers."  These women have families of their own....are balancing the work and the craziness of running a household.....running to the over-scheduled events our children are now involved in these days.  Yet, whenever I need help....whenever my children need help....these women come to the rescue.


A ride here or there....a place to crash....a hug....an inside joke....a sharing of an accomplishment...or in times of unrest in our household (which believe me occurs when you have a few teenagers and a grieving mother), a voice of reason.


I love these women - and you know who you are.  And my children love you too.  


We would be lost without you.  


As we celebrate Mother's Day in the Simmons household, know that we also celebrate the "Other Mother's" in our lives as well.


As the African proverb states, it does take a village to raise a child.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

"The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be." -Shakti Gawain

I write this as my Thanksgiving turkey is stuffed, seasoned and roasting in the oven; homemade cranberry sauce simmering on the stove and an apple pie cooling on the counter with the sounds of the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Parade in the background - and the glee in my daughter's voice as Santa makes his arrival in NYC.

It is a quiet Thanksgiving this year - no family visiting and no travel.  Just myself and the kids.  But quite an enjoyable day so far cooking, relaxing and best of all....no pressure - easy to please 3 kids with the Thanksgiving basics.

However, this is far different than Thanksgivings of my youth - as the youngest of a blended family (9 kids - our own version of the Brady Bunch) holidays were always filled with noise, games, laughter and lots, lots of food.   Once I married Brian and moved to Philadelphia, Thanksgiving was spent with friends or sometimes travel to visit family in Rochester. Until the Thanksgiving I was pregnant with Jay.  Brian suggested we spend the holiday at the Outer Banks and enjoy our last holiday without the craziness (and joy) of kids in one of our favorite places - the beach.  So, we packed up our Thanksgiving feast and began a  tradition that lasted through the birth of all our children as well as our move to the Midwest. 

Until Brian passed away.

Walking the Outer Banks beach one of many Thanksgivings

Brian & Rachel that last Thanksgiving

The last Thanksgiving the kids and I shared with Brian was at the beach.  The following few years were spent with my family in Rochester, Brian's family in Tennessee and the last few years in Bloomington.  My oldest is now a junior in high school and for the third consecutive year will be performing in his high school Madrigal performance this weekend.  No opportunity to travel very far because of these performances - but I do love seeing him perform (he is quite talented - something he inherited from his father's side of the family as my family has no singing talents what-so-ever).

I think I am ready to start this tradition again.  I think it would be good for my soul to be there again....a moving on....and an opportunity to revisit a life I loved with Brian.  His ashes were scattered off the coast of the Outer Banks, and as a family, we have not been back there since that day.

I miss Brian quite a bit - especially around the holidays - but I am very thankful that I had the opportunity to be a part of his life.  To have memories with him....and to see him in our children.

As with every Thanksgiving, it is tradition to reflect on what we are thankful.  Here goes:

• My children - although at times they drive me crazy (think two teenage boys and a red-headed daughter that hasn't fallen too far from the tree) I love them dearly.  It is difficult being the only parent but they understand the difficulties and I know they are appreciative of our struggles.  As I find gratitude each night before going to bed, all three consistently make the list for a variety of reasons.  My life would be 100% different without them - perhaps some days would be easier but in the whole scheme of life, I would never have been able to move forward as I have without the three of them at my side.
• My family - we are not the closest of families - I think due to the circumstances in our lives - and it doesn't help that I live halfway across the country.  But, I know that if I need something, all I need to do is pick up the phone and I can count on my sisters, brother, nieces and nephews to be there for us. 
• My in-laws - Brian's family has been a blessing to me.  One would think that perhaps it would be difficult for them to be around the memory of their son and brother (I recall my grandmother not being able to be around us after my own mother passed away because it brought too much pain to her).  My mother-in-law and her husband are like parents and friends to me....a major void in my life with the passing of my own father 8 years ago. There isn't anything they wouldn't do for me and the kids.
• My health - yes....very important item to be thankful for.....even more so that I am the only parent.  I can't even tell you how concerned my kids get whenever I have a doctor appointment....all routine annual visits of course....but I understand them being concerned.....and extremely grateful that I am healthy.
• My friends - this one is a given.  I can't list you all but without each and everyone of you, my children and I would be lost!  You provide me laughter, support, a shoulder to lean on,the necessary kick in the pants,  the opportunity to cry without feeling sorry for me, shelter for my children with I need a break - or off running my marathons, accepting me as I am (the craziness, the goofiness, the sadness, the directness etc).  I could go on and on....but that would be another blog entirely!
• My children's successes - My kids have definitely been dealt a raw deal in life.....but that hasn't stopped any of them in being successful in life.  All three are very unique individuals, all have their strengths, and the word "can't" isn't part of their vocabulary - except when asked to do chores around the house I suppose.
• The LIVESTRONG community - without this organization, my life would be completely different.  The friendships I have made over the past three years has added so much to my existence.  I cannot imagine any of the friends I have made through these experiences not being a part of my daily life.
• My blog readers - I appreciate your support as I often use this space as a free therapy session....appreciate your willingness to read my rants and raves....appreciate your understanding and comments regarding my achievements and difficulties.
• My LIVESTRONG donors - I am incredibly thankful and overwhelmed at the generosity of my friends, family and strangers in supporting my efforts for LIVESTRONG.  This year we raised over $11,000 for close to $35,000 the past three years.  This is something that is near and dear to me, so your support is something I am very appreciative of each and everyday. 

The theme in this list - the people in my life.....bringing the LIGHT into my soul.

Rachel is busy making a Thanksgiving concoction in the kitchen....so I asked her what she is thankful for:

• Her dad
• Me
• Our friends 

A Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.  May the friends and family in your life provide you with light needed for you to shine each!


What are you thankful for this year?

The LIVESTRONG Chics Annual Swim, Bike & Ride to Kick Cancer

This past Saturday was the third anniversary of the LIVESTRONG Chics racing in our local  TriShark Triathlon as a relay team.

The LIVESTRONG Chics - me, Kelli & Christina

Several years ago, a fellow local LIVESTRONG fundraiser - and multiple Ride for the Roses qualifier - had obtained donated entries by the race director for him to create relay teams with the purpose of raising funds for LIVESTRONG.  A few years ago he mentioned to me that he would like a female team.  "What about me?" I asked.  I am a female after all, I fundraise for LIVESTRONG and have friends that I knew I could coerce into participating with me.

So the LIVESTRONG Chics were hatched.

All I needed to do was convince one of the Chics to complete the swim leg.  Yes, I can swim but I haven't swam laps in years.....and I would prefer to run or ride.  The past two years, my dear friends Christina and Kelli have taken turns swimming.

Our first year, Christina swam, Kelli rode my bike and I ran.  The next year we rotated roles - Kelli was our swimmer, I was the biker and Christina the runner.  This year it was my turn to swim but Kelli and Christina were willing to swim again.....so who was I to protest?

Off they go....

Turns out Kelli decided to attempt the entire triathlon.....so she was our swimmer.  For the record, the three Chics are all runners.  We have run numerous half marathons and several fulls together.  As a matter of fact, the Chics took LA by storm with me....and were greeted by quite a storm as we ran the LA Marathon this past March (that's a separate blog post itself).  So, although many of you may think big deal, she decided to complete the entire tri....to us runners, that is a HUGE deal!  (Kelli completed the full race although she had been sick the weeks preceding the event.....I am so proud of Swimmer Chic!).

Just before Swimmer Chic was to brave the cold lake water

In addition to the Chics, there are a few other LIVESTRONG relay teams.  Over the past few years we tend to see these guys just on race day....but the common bond of swimming, biking & running while fundraising for LIVESTRONG has created a sort of kinship.  We may not see each other often - once in awhile bumping into one another at the store or at the ball fields - but when all the LIVESTRONG teams converge under the our tent and don our LIVESTRONG gear, it's like old friends meeting up.

There is quite a different vibe under that LIVESTRONG tent.  We are ready to race but the intense pre-race nerves running through the blood of the other athletes seems to be missing with us.  However, underneath our calm exteriors and joking with one another is the true reason we are there.....all of us are there to honor someone we know that has unsuccessfully or is currently battling cancer.  It is personal to all of us....we are there to swim, ride and run for those that cannot.

This year my 7 year old cancer hating daughter decided to join us and be our cheerleader.  She wore a Team LIVESTRONG jersey, signed the LIVESTRONG banner, made a "In Memory" card for her father - which she proudly wore on her back, put LIVESTRONG stickers on people, and most importantly, she decided she wants to participate next year.

How completely awesome is that?  My 7-year old was inspired by all of us and wants to be part of a relay herself next year.  She is an example of someone effected terribly by cancer - her dad passed away the day before her first birthday.  Yet this little girl doesn't let anything get in her way.  She is NOT going to let the fact that cancer stole a lifetime with dad slow her down in anyway.  As a matter of fact, I think it has done quite the opposite.  She is more adventurous and never thinks anything is impossible.  Take that cancer!!

With my cheerleader, cancer hater & future triathlete!

But, Rachel certainly got me thinking......maybe I should create a kids triathlon here in town as a fundraiser for LIVESTRONG?  Hmmmmmm.....2012???

I am still reaching for my goal of raising $10,000 and am really close to breaking the $7,000 mark.  Won't you please help me support LIVESTRONG and the community of support and hope it creates for those like my daughter?  If so,click on the link below to go directly to my on-line LIVESTRONG fundraising page.
http://run.livestrong.org/teamls2011/barbarasimmons