Sunday, March 11, 2012

Mom Guilt or Your Judgement.

Mom guilt.

Something all mother's have.

A present given to us in the delivery room along with our bundle of joy.

I have found that my level of mom guilt has increased over time....and since Brian's passing.

As a single....or perhaps a better description is "an only parent"....I have found taking time for myself as a incredibly valuable component of being a better parent. This is not a new concept. Brian clearly understood this concept and encouraged me to head out on my own for the day or a few hours every now and again. As I encouraged him to do the same with weekly golf outings with his friends. Just because we get married and become parents does not mean we give ourselves up 100%.

cancer was so kind to cause me to become the sole breadwinner and only caregiver for three children. Two teenage boys don't really understand the idea that there is more to this world than the foot circumference around themselves....and they are apparently are the only ones this family revolves around.

My world is is everyones. And it takes a toll on my health and emotional well being.

So, in order to keep sane, I run. And I run races. And I try to find a few races and LIVESTRONG events throughout the year that allow me to reunite with friends. And yes, I go on these weekends quite often without my children.

And no, I don't feel guilty about it.

And, my children understand. Often times they have activities that conflict and they make the choice not to join me. And other times they are looking forward to a vacation from their stressed out mom. Other times they look forward to a vacation from each other and spend time with friends....they are siblings after all.

So my children don't make me feel guilty either.

So why the mom guilt? Well this comes along with the questions asked of me. Questions like "what are doing with your kids!?!?" or " you mean you are going without your kids!?!?!"

Do you ask your divorced friends this when they go on weekends away on their every other weekend free? Does anyone ever question single parents due to divorce why they feel they completely have no parenting responsibilities when the kids are at the exes? Nope. I bet you don't.

Does anyone ask those same questions of a married couple when they take a guy or girls weekend. Nope....I suppose not. And no one ever asked these of me when Brian was alive.

I can tell the difference between those close to me that have watched the kids when I'm gone just being curious and supporting my decisions from those that find my choices questionable.

Public service announcement.....until you have walked in my shoes, do not cast judgement just as I do not cast judgment on your decisions. It actually makes me feel terrible.

Just had to get that off my chest. It's been gnawing at me for a month now.