And the person that asked me this question wasn't surprised by the answer. Yet I was.
I was shocked at how effortlessly I was able to respond and with such clarity.
I hope I am alone in feeling this way but I am sure I am not. It is a tricky feeling.
The last few years I have felt stuck. Felt trapped. Felt as though I was treading water, Felt unfulfilled. Felt just plan and simply - BLAH.
Yes, I have accomplished a lot. Yes, I have wonderful children. Yes, I have great health. Yes, I have a great job.
But, it isn't enough. I having this nagging feeling all the time that I am wasting time.
I am just not happy with where I am in life.
Where do we spend most of the hours of our life? At work. And the last few years, work has become just that.....work.
I used to look forward to going to work, to do something that fulfilled me and made a difference.
Don't get me wrong. I have a fantastic job with a fantastic employer.....but I am not happy doing what I am doing anymore. It isn't what the company is asking me to do. I am just not happy working in corporate america. I am very appreciative of my job and my employer. It is just that I think I have changed....and I need something else. Office politics and I don't work well together.
Being a city girl that loves the hustle and bustle living is a small town, doesn't help matters. Yet, this is a fantastic town.....again, don't get me wrong. I have fabulous friends, a fabulous support system, my kids are in great schools, have great friends and to them. this is home.
Over the years, I have shared that I feel "trapped" in my life....however, as most of us, I do not have the luxury of just quitting my job and picking up to live elsewhere. Years ago, I would have done just that. But, being the sole breadwinner and being responsible for more than just me, doesn't make that seem feasible.
That conversation a few days ago has been nagging at me.....it has continued to pop up in my mind. Are you happy? No.
So what do I do with that revelation? How to I make a much needed change? Where do I begin?
These are the thoughts that keep running through my head.
And I am sharing them with all of you to keep me honest. And honestly, because I need your help.
I don't know where to begin. I cant seem to see beyond that "have too's" The "would be niceties and the life changing ideas" don't seem to be jumping out at me.
Deep down I know I need to figure out what it is I want to do with my life. I want to be in a job that brings me more joy, that impacts people, that isn't fraught with office "politics." I want to be in more control of my schedule....of my day.....of my life.
Yet, I love my employer. I do enjoy where I work. It just doesn't give me enough personal satisfaction. Work has become just that.....work.
So, where to go from here?
I need to make some changes. I need to either need to embrace my current state and add to it another aspect that makes me feel fulfilled or make a change - new job, new city. etc.
Enough of me just thinking about it....time to think about taking action.
What is it I want to do? I haven't a clue. I just know I want to be doing something different.
So, I ask all of you that know me in such a variety of avenues, what is it you see in me? What is it you think are my strengths? What is it you see me being successful at? What is it you see me taking a risk on?
What ideas and suggestions do you all have for me?
I know it is a lot to ask you, but I know we wouldn't be friends if we didn't look out for one another.
This is about finding a daily activity (I hate to just the word job) that makes me happy....which makes my children happy....which makes me happier....and makes me a much more interesting friend to spend time with.
Many of you know that I've been barely staying afloat. Somehow with all that has happened the past 8 years, I forgot to keep moving forward and just got stuck.
Perhaps this is just a mid-life crisis (kind of feels like one) but I'm not out buying a red convertible....still driving the blue mini-van.
Help me get unstuck! I am ready!