Thoughts Bouncing Around in My Head

I don't like to post so frequently but I need to get this one written while the emotions and feelings are still fresh.  I had two events occur this week that have lead to me writing tonight.  

• First, I attended the viewing of MY RUN.....a fantastic documentary about Terry Hitchcock and his marathon journey through life.  Terry is a single parent who ran 75 marathon length runs over a 75 day period to bring awareness to the struggles of single parents and the millions of children being raised in those households.  It obviously hit close to home - like Terry, my own father was placed in a similar situation in the late 1960's when most women were the homemakers.  And obviously, my own children are also part of that unfortunate statistic due to their father and the love of my life's passing to cancer.
• Secondly, a major light bulb went off in my head this weekend regarding a personal relationship that made me realize that companionship will always be missing from my life.  Many of you may consider me a catch - thank you - however my limited time and raising three children 365 days a year does not make for an ideal relationship.  I will slowly but surely accept this fate but it does suck....there is no other way to state that....just another crappy side affect from cancer.

These two events have had my mind racing the past two days.....and sharing my thoughts, feelings on this blog has become a very therapeutic process for me....so I apologize for using this space in lieu of an expensive session with a counselor.



Being a widow certainly has it's challenges.  I am pretty certain you all recognize that.  Being a single parent is tough - regardless of the path you took to become a single parent.  But being a widow really places your children into a situation of being raised by one parent.  Don't get me wrong, I know there are struggles financially and emotionally when a divorce is involved.  I happen to have grown up in a single parent household - 2 times.....first when my mother passed away when I was two and secondly after my father remarried then divorced.  So, I have sympathy for both camps.....and understand the complexities of both situations.

I also understand that often times in a divorce, one of the parents is VERY absent - which was the case with my dad and step-mother's divorce.  Once they divorced, I never saw her again until my sister's funeral when I was 34 years old and again at my father's funeral when I was 36 years old.

Raising kids in a single parent family is difficult.....and is something that continues to hold a "stigma" in society.  Being a single parent because of a death is even more of a "stigma."  People feel sorry for you.  People that don't know the circumstances assume you are from a failed relationship instead of a very loving one.  People think your kids father is a "deadbeat" or that you had your children without a father involved.
 
Then there is the constant decision making....no one to toss those ideas around with....every decision is your responsibility.  Talk about stressful!

And those you are making decisions for are not always happy campers.  I am sure many of you have a good cop/bad cop routine going on in your household with your children.....and you probably rotate those roles from time to time.  Not in a single parent household.  The parent is ALWAYS the bad cop.  It is a very rare occurrence I get to be the "fun" parent.

By far, the most difficult part for me is the emotional piece.  I can handle juggling a million things at a time....or asking for help to carpool, etc.....I may not do it well but I can do it.  But the emotional piece....the intense loneliness that creeps up on you, the self-doubt of every decision, the lack of someone to give you that hug you need, and the feeling of being "trapped" in a life you didn't plan....a life alone.....is overwhelming at times.

Please take time to acknowledge your spouse, to thank them for all they do each and every day, to hug and kiss one another, to say "I love you", to appreciate one another, to take time for one another, to celebrate every birthday and anniversary.  Life is short and once you get to the end, you do not want to regret missing out taking advantage of each day.


A big thank you to Terry Hitchcock for running further than I could ever go, for providing the issue of single parents and our children a voice, and to Tim VandeSteeg for seeing how important this issue is and bringing Terry's story to a national spotlight.

If  you would like to support my efforts and my marathons for LIVESTRONG and helping to keep others from being thrust into my situation, please donate using the link below:
SUPPORT BARB AS SHE RUNS COAST TO COAST FOR LIVESTRONG 

Oh, and CANCER SUCKS!

NEVER Underestimate the Underdog

The past few days were spent in Indianapolis at the Big Ten Men's Basketball Tournament with my 16 and13 year old sons.   It was a pretty exciting experience.....I've been to plenty of Big East and Big Ten games over the years - but there is something so very different about tournament time.  It isn't called March Madness because it is boring!

Every game kept us on the edge of our seats....and many teams that were expected to waltz right through to the final game (aka THE Ohio State...by the way...what is with the THE....is there another Ohio State I am not aware of?) struggled to hold on for a win or were upset.   Ohio State entered the tournament seeded not only number one in the Big Ten but in the nation.  We expected this game to be just a warm-up for the Illinois/Michigan match-up we were most interested in.  But this actually turned out to be just as an exciting game.....could Northwestern really take down THE Ohio State?  Wow!!!

All in all, Ohio State did win the tournament - but not without a few scares, and how many out there would have expected Penn State to beat Wisconsin and Michigan State on their way to the final against Ohio State?

Just a great reminder that we should never underestimate an underdog.

I had several hours of windshield time as we returned from Indianapolis and I kept thinking about that statement......never underestimate an underdog....and came to the realization that this applies not only to sports but also to life.

I know several underdogs that our nemesis Cancer fortunately underestimated.  Lance Armstrong being the most famous of those....and one that made others stand up and take notice.....that made others realize that they have hope....and brought attention to the fact that underdogs can AND should NEVER give up.

Unfortunately for my family, cancer has won the battle all too often.  We have lost my mother, father, sister, aunt and my husband/father of my three children all to cancer.  However, cancer hasn't won the battle with those that are still here......each and everyday my children and I wake up with a mission to live life to its fullest.  This is our own way of winning as an underdog.

I am here to tell you that being a widowed single parent and raising children alone because of cancer isn't easy (not that I assumed you thought it was).  The financial consequences are huge (that itself is a separate blog....I'll get on that soapbox another time) but the emotional consequences are even more difficult and far-reaching.   Not only does the attitude I chose each morning impact myself....it impacts the three children I am responsible for "molding" into members of our society.  I have to find a way to be positive each and every moment of each and everyday.....even though there are plenty of days I would love to pull those covers over my head and hide from the "crap" life throws at me.


But, I realize if I am unable to muster up a positive outlook, than cancer has impacted us yet again.  I am constantly reminded of those whose lives were lost to cancer and what a shame it would be to lose the lives of those left behind by not living each day fully.  I know Brian would be disappointed if we allowed cancer to win again....just as he would have been disappointed if Michigan State had rolled over to Purdue (he despised Purdue....being a die-hard Indiana fan).


Cancer - please take note.  The underdogs are NOT to be underestimated.  We will NOT let you take our lives without a fight, we will NOT allow you to bring negativity into our lives, we WILL live our lives each and everyday full of life....we WILL WIN this battle!

I am running 26.2 miles on March 20th as one more attempt to put cancer on notice as a member of Team LIVESTRONG.  I would be absolutely thrilled if you would consider supporting my efforts as an underdog!  Donations to my fundrasing efforts can be made on-line using the link below:
http://run.livestrong.org/teamls2011/barbarasimmons

One last item of note....I need to make a plug for a gentleman that everyone would have thought was an underdog, but took it upon himself to show cancer he wasn't going to allow the after effects of cancer impact his family.  Please consider viewing My Run - a documentary about Terry Hitchcock - another widowed single parent raising his children - as he decided to run 75 marathons on 75 consecutive days to bring awareness to the number of single parents and the children being raised by those single parents.  Please take a moment to watch the trailer below and consider purchasing tickets for the March 31st viewing across the country.  A portion of the proceeds from this movie benefits LIVESTRONG.