I love the fact that running allows me to think.....to ponder life's daily challenges and accomplishments.....to identify solutions to problems......to reflect on the past day, week, month, etc.
However, lately I realize my thoughts have not been productive while running. Lately I've been thinking a bit too much about human nature......most specifically, trust.....and doubting my own trust in myself. Silly I know....if we can't trust ourselves, who can we trust?
Somehow, I have gotten sidetracked. I have forgotten to use my runs as time of reflection on the positives in life. Somehow, the few negative aspects of life have crept in. "Hey negativity.....go bother someone else. My runs are supposed to be positive and uplifting!"
It has been awhile since I have run outdoors with music. I defintinely run with my IPod securily clipped on my waist when running the "dreadmill" although I have accomplished a few runs indoors without it. Just cuts down on the dreaded boredom. But outdoors.....those are my mind-clearing, thought provoking runs.
But lately, those runs have become TOO thought provoking (is that possible?). A recent thought process went like this....
"I am a pretty trusting person.....but trust is a two way street, isn't it? And often times, disappointment follows - whether it be family, friend, co-worker, children, spouse/significant other, or even a stranger. What happens if you can't trust yourself.....I mean really, how do you trust yourself if you aren't good at picking the right people to trust? Another one of those vicious cycles......trust yourself so you can trust others, but if you pick the wrong person to trust, can you really trust yourself?......."
This is an exact internal conversation I had during one morning long run.....and it actually got me a bit depressed (huh? how is that possible.....what about the endorphins?) and stopped running....just complete and suddenly stopped. I was done. I turned to the rest of the group and told them I was done for the day. I headed back to the shelter to wait for them to finish the day's mileage so we could grab our morning coffee and have some adult conversation.
Heavy stuff huh? I have suddenly found myself unable to go for a long run without having such deep conversations with myself.....which tend to be mildly depressing when you get right down to it. Oh no! I have become too drepressing of company for myself!
Guess it is time to pull out the IPod again for my long runs.....too much time on my hands to think is becoming counterproductive at the moment. I think I need a little Fergie, Cake, U2, Black Eyed Peas, Eminem, and Coldplay to fill up my runs temporarily.
What about all of you? Have you ever found yourself in a deep thought that has actually hindered your ability to run?
What artists/songs help clear your head while running?
Doubt is kryptonite. I get mine from my reflection in store windows as I ride past, or eye contact with motorist while waiting at a stop light.
ReplyDeleteI have a vivid imagination and most of my deep thoughts while on the bike take me to the streets of Paris where I win the yellow jersey by a hair's breadth. Childish, yes, but it melts the miles away.
Having internal conversations/arguments you can't win are the worst.