Saturday, May 11, 2013

A Motherless Mother's Day

The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her. ~ Author Unknown

A daughter without her mother is a woman broken. It is a loss that turns to arthritis and settles deep into her bones. ~ Kristin Hannah

Another Mother's Day.

My 43rd Mother's Day without my mother.

I have been blessed throughout my life to have plenty of "other mothers" in my life to help fill the void - my sisters, many of my friends mothers, and a wonderful mother-in-law who has always treated me as her own daughter - even more so after her son passed away. (Check out my past two years Mother's Day posts to read more about these incredible women - Our Other Mothers and Sisters as Mothers....Mothers as Sisters)

Yes, I am incredibly lucky to have had all these fantastic women in my life guiding me along life's difficult journey.

However, I would be lying to all of you if I said I didn't feel a void.

I have no memories of my mother but I've missed her my entire life.

Funny to miss something or someone you never knew, isn't it?


It is so very different than the void I have from the loss of my father, my sister and my husband.

But a void all the same.

And one that doesn't seem very apparent very often, but there are times....

....when I was going to my prom

....when I was deciding on colleges

....when I was feeling rejected and sad

....when I realized I was falling in love with Brian

....when I was getting married

....when I was pregnant for the first time

....and the second, third and fourth

....when I miscarried the third pregnancy

....when I struggled as a first time mom

...when I struggled with the loss of my spouse

All those major times in a girls's life that they rely upon their mother for guidance, support and love.

Yes, I have had my sisters and other mothers to fill those voids during those times, but I've always wondered....

What was my mother like?
Am I anything like her?
Would I be a different version of me?
Would I have made different decisions?

Mother's Day often creeps up on me because honestly it wasn't ever a day that was celebrated in my childhood.  Just as Father's Day is not celebrated by my children.

It is a day of reflection on what is missing.  

Although, it is quite wonderful to know that all those things I missed in my lifetime, I am here to do for my children and hope to be here for all of them.

At this time next week, I'll be watching my oldest graduate from high school.  I'm sure he won't think anything special that I'm there because where else would I be?  But I'll be thinking how thankful I am to be there as I recall missing my mom at my own graduation.

Of course, I can't not mention the big villian here.....CANCER.  It was cancer that caused this void in my life.  It was cancer that made me feel all alone and different than everyone else.

In memory of my mother, I am making a donation to LIVESTRONG so others have resources available to them to win their battle with cancer and their children/spouses have a community available to them to help them realize they are not alone.

Please join me in honoring the women in our lives and the mothers other children have lost because of cancer by making a donation as well.
Donate to LIVESTRONG in honor of Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms in my life.  I love you all and am eternally grateful for each of you.

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