I just happened upon this blog post I started 9 months ago. It really doesn't apply to my outlook at the moment, but it serves as a great reminder. It began as a quote jumped out at me from a book I had been reading. The quote is still here but I've rewritten the post.
"...at some point, it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong. At some point, being angry is just another bad habit, like smoking, and you keep poisoning yourself without thinking about it."
It isn't often that I take the time to underline a book and pull out a quote. But this one....this one spoke volumes to me.
I came across this quote at the end of Jonathon Tripper's novel "This Is Where I Leave You" during a flight to Portland, Oregon last August. Not a bad book and honestly I can't remember much about the story but I jotted down this quote.
Flashback to the last week of August. I was sitting on a flight bound for Portland, OR by way of Oakland, CA to meet up with some of my closest LIVESTRONG friends that just a few years ago were complete strangers thrown together in a van for the Hood to Coast Relay. I was headed to a happy place....fun, friendship and let's face it, a fantastic city and part of the country.
But at that time, could I really say I was in a happy place? Probably not. I was still going through the motions of picking up the pieces. Pieces I had ignored after Brian passed away and only became apparent after some personal upheaval the year before. A year later, I was still struggling to move on. Because it turns out I was angry and "poisoning myself without even thinking about it."
For those that know me really well, this is so unlike me. I am not a grudge holder. I am a forgiver. But this situation was unforgivable yet it was holding me back.
Coming across this quote.....while I was in a situation with absolutely no distractions.....came at the absolute right time.
Any other time and it would have been missed. How many other signs had I missed the months before, the year before that would have changed my course, changed my direction, changed my decisions?
What was it that caused this particular moment to exist?
Just a fantastic reminder to all of us that although it may be obvious to some of us the steps one needs to take in their lives at any given time......it isn't particularly obvious to them. And funny, this quote is something I would have told anyone else - and have always done in my past. But this one situation blinded me and everything had to be aligned just perfectly for the "light-bulb" to go off.
Even coming across this unpublished blog post today is a complete unknown. Why today?
Life just amazes me.
All the tragedy sorrow, joy and celebration that we all experience. And how in each circumstance - dependent upon numerous factors - each can be handled in such different methods depending upon the person and their state of mind at that very moment.
So, as you go forward with your day, your week, your month, your year.....keep an eye open for life's little signals and reminders in the places you don't expect them. If we don't keep our eyes open for them. we could be stuck in a very different version of our life and self for much longer than we should be.
With that being said, I'll close with one of my most favorite quotes:
"Do not be afraid of death. Be afraid of the half-lived life." - Laird Hamilton