I think I gave people the wrong idea with my last post.
Yes, I am sad. But that is ok. Being sad is a human emotion....one we all experience....and I for one am certain it would be unhealthy if we were not sad and disappointed at times.
No, I am not so sad as to be concerned about my well being. I very much appreciate being alive and living life....so not need to worry about that. I still have loads of places to see, friends to make, planes to jump out of, adventures to accomplish and most importantly, raising my wonderful, smart, ambitious children
What I was trying to convey is that after seven years of being along...meaning without a spouse, without a significant other to share the ups and downs of each day, to start and end my day with, to make plans for the future, etc....life does get a bit lonely....and sad.
It isn't easy living life with a significant other to support your and assist with the day to day grind (believe me....I've overheard plenty of people complain at how little their spouse does, how terrible it is to have the around all the time.....I'm amazed I haven't bitten my tongue off yet from keeping quiet) but imagine how lonely it would be to do this alone day after day after day. After awhile, it gets tedious....boring....feelings of being trapped come along.
This where I'm at. Yes, I recognize that being in a relationship doesn't make me the person I am. I am fabulous all on my own. But, being in a relationship certainly would add some enjoyment to my life. And the idea of that not being a possibility - lets face it....7 years being single doesn't make me too optimistic - is somewhat depressing.
Widows/widowers are in lives we did not plan....lives we did not choose. If we had a choice, I'm pretty certain we would all still be celebrating wedding anniversaries, sharing a morning kiss out the door, sharing a glance across a crowded room, smiling at one another when our kids accomplished something or said something silly, providing support to a parenting decision the other made regarding teen angst, calling/texting each other to see what errand we can help the other with. The list is endless. And although we all miss our spouses, we also don't want to live a life without those little daily reminders of someone caring for you.
Of course, being in a relationship doesn't define me but being a widow does....because I live it each and evey day. And the saddness doesn't ever go away..it just goes into hiding.
So please bear with me....this is nothing new....it comes and goes....I'm just finally publicly sharing this with everyone as one of my "public service announcements."
No need to worry....no need to try and fix anything....it is what it is....and somedays are easier accept this than others.