Saturday, December 17, 2011

The New Compliment - Intimidating

"Are you intimidated by me? Because if you're intimidated by me, that's something you'll have to deal with."

I had a very interesting discussion with a great friend the other day.....and we came to a conclusion about how I am perceived by others after our spontaneous conversation over coffee.   And to be honest, it wasn't the first time I have wondered this....or others have suggested it.

Wondering what we talked about, huh?

We determined that people are potentially intimidated by me.

Not as in being a bully but that my independent nature and circumstances causes men to find me intimidating.


I wish some people would put more thought into why individuals are the way they are instead of just making assumptions about them.

OK, what follows is a sarcastic rant (maybe that's why I'm often perceived as intimidating - ha ha).

When my battery dies on my car, guess what....I have to deal with it.

When the bills need to be paid, guess what....I have to deal with them.

When my kids get into trouble, guess what....I have to deal with it.

When the snow needs to be shoveled, guess what....I have to deal with it.

When we travel, guess what.....I need to pack the car, I need to make the arrangements, I need to do the driving, I need to fill the tank, I need to plan the "potty stops", I need to map the route, I need to figure out where we are if we get lost.....I have to deal with it all.

I am not "dealing with all this" because I want to....but because I HAVE life has become full of HAVE too's.....there are no choices, there are no decisions or dividing the duties down the line.  There is no shared custody and every other weekend free.

My widower friends (my father was one of these men) are not considered "intimidating".....I think women take pity on awful that they need to do laundry, bake cookies for school, do the grocery shopping, clean the house, make dinner.

Yet, when the shoe is on the other foot, a woman who lost her spouse is considered intimidating. 

Really, who do these people think is going to do all this stuff?

Intimidating is such an AWFUL description of my situation.  As much as I dislike always being considered strong - because I really am not - strong is not an offensive description.

I think I speak for all widows/widowers out there - as far as I am concerned,  widows/widowers are the best catches out there.  We are single because an accident, an illness, an  unfortunate event ended our loving relationship.  We are not "needy" - we are capable of being independent when necessary.  We have limited free time but appreciate that time - and it give the other party an opportunity to have some guilt free time to themselves.

What a shame that there are a lot of  individuals out there that are missing out on scores of great catches because they are "intimidated" by our situation or independent nature.  Too bad that being "needy" is more appealing.  I am a fabulous woman who yes, is a bit opinionated and a bit strong-willed, but am capable of wanting companionship for more than someone to handle my household tasks.

Thank goodness all those "I need to take care of you" overbearing men find me intimidating.....I don't need to be "taken care of."

So, perhaps intimidating, although it can be construed as offensive, is a great way to weed out those that can't appreciate a fabulous gem if it were placed on a silver platter directly in front of them.

Of course, I won't be crying about this.....that would ruin my reputation and I certainly don't want to be labeled needy, weepy or weak!


  1. listen...well behaved women rarely make history. So what if you are intimidating...eff them. seriously, I know easier said than done. I have always considered you as calm under fire...NOT intimidating. And those that think that don't deserve you and what you have to offer. I may not be a widow but I konw of this thing called 'intimidating' and now I just laugh and say....well, not all of us can be calm under fire. LOVE AND HUGS...and seriously eff them.

  2. Keep this in mind - my favorite sport is boxing. I recently got a FOID card and asked for a six shooter for Christmas. THAT, my friend, is what a man should consider "intimidating." You are simply self reliant.

  3. and being self reliant is commendable. Quit labeling and/or allowing yourself to be labeled. "Widow" is your status, it should not be your identity.

  4. I wish I could figure out how to post responses to the comments.....Colleen & Kristin - both your comments cracked me up - love that I have intimidating friends :)