Do you ever get the feeling that you are on the outside looking in? That you are on the sidelines watching others live life? That you are a silent observer?
That is exactly how I have been feeling this week.
I suppose part of this is the melancholy that follows my yearly reunion with like minded cancer hating advocates. LIVESTRONG events are always extremely motivating and energizing, and this past LIVESTRONG Challenge in Austin - in conjunction with the Ride for the Roses weekend (an event held for those individuals that raise over $10,000) was no exception. As a matter of fact, to be honest, each year it becomes more energizing. Think of this as a reunion on steroids. The passion, friendships, creativity, ideas, and support are out of this world.
Funny, the aspects I love most about LIVESTRONG - the sense of community being the most important to me on an individual daily basis - is also the aspect that causes a sense of emptiness at times.
After spending so much time for such a concentrated period with outgoing, supportive, understanding, inspiring friends, it is truly difficult to come back to reality.
Yes, I have fantastic friends surrounding me each and everyday.....but lately, I've been feeling a bit out of the mix. On the outside looking in.
So, I suppose some of my feelings this week are due to coming down from this amazing high.
But, how to address it?
Several times this week and weekend I have caught myself just watching.....from the sidelines....waiting....as though I was on the outside looking in. Have you ever felt invisible? Yep....had that feeling a bit this week too.
Again, I suppose it was from the non-stop social aspect of the Ride for the Roses weekend. Wherever you went, there were people you knew....people that were excited to see you.....people that wanted to know what was going on in your life.
Unfortunately, there are days in which I - and I suspect we all have these days - feel that no one would even miss me. Don't get me wrong - I know my kids and friends love me....and at times need me. But....in reality, my kids are getting to ages where hanging out with their parent isn't the end all, be all moment.....and my friends have lives of their own.
I recognize this is normal....this is when I tend to reach out to my friends, or have a great pity-party cry, or go out for a run.
What do you do when you find yourself watching the world from the sidelines?